Certain times of the year can trigger happy, sad, or spiteful memories towards relationships of years past. When I look back at love lost, I can’t help but think- have I truly moved on from that?
In our past we hold all the mistakes and all the heartbreak that once was a happy time. A piece of us always holds on to every relationship we’ve had, whether good or bad. But does holding on to these pieces impact us in our present day relationships, or those yet to come in the future?
“Sometimes you can’t get over being hurt until you know you’ve been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness,” says Phil McGraw, better known as Doctor Phil.
Often times, individuals try to move on much too fast, when all that’s needed is a little time. Like the saying goes, “Time heals all wounds,” most of us need that time to recognize what went wrong, connect and identify with ourselves, and start taking steps forward. Plus, I can’t stress enough the importance of the time you have with yourself after a failed relationship. Take this time to regroup, and you’ll find just how much there is to learn about yourself. I’m guilty of always moving on too quickly, so don’t fall into this trap as well. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself, and working on you will set you up for meaningful, lasting relationships.
That doesn’t mean, however, that you take up half the year grieving over your sadness. Dr. Phil says you must define your intentions post break-up. “Are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won’t move on until you’ve accepted that the relationship is over,” he says. What we must remember is that the sadness and grief is all part of a process we must constantly take steps forward in, with a little bit of time.
As I think about where I am today, I can see how my actions have set me up relationship wise. I never took the time I needed for myself when, once again, I was in yet another relationship. I was setting the relationship up for failure without even knowing it. I was constantly frustrated, secretly wanting more, not knowing what more was, and making up excuses for each incident that would leave me wanting to get out. “No better time like the present,” to set something right, and I’m finally setting up the relationship I have with myself to be in tune with what is best for me. “In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind and move forward with life and ultimately love. Now is the time for you, if you’ve just gotten out of a relationship or been in the process of moving forward, put the past in the past where it belongs. Work on being the best possible version of yourself, but like any process, give yourself time for adjustment. Remember you hold the key to your happiness, don’t give that power away.
Looking towards the future, there’s truly so much possibility. If it’s finding “the one,” or landing your dream job, it’s all yet to be determined. As you’ve worked on yourself, this opens you up to finally having that future you’ve always imagined. Trust yourself and it will lead you to your individual destiny.
Here are some tips on making the move forward:
- Focus on your passion
- Be grateful for what you already have
- Focus on the present and what needs to be worked out NOW
- Apply what you’ve learned (from past relationships) to help you move into a better future
- Keep a journal
- Connect with family and friends (trustworthy ones that have your best interest at heart)
- Connect with things that make you happy ( like hobbies )
- Exercise, eat well and get healthy from the inside out
- Be patient with yourself
As I think about the past, I decide to think positively. I’m blessed to have a job to go to, but most importantly the freedom to better myself for the beautiful future that is sure to come. “Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”
By Erenia T. Michell
By Vera Wilde