There sometimes comes a time when the phrase “all you need is love” no longer applies, and it takes ending a relationship to regain the self-esteem that has been lost along the way.
Three years ago, a brilliant movie featuring Jennifer Aniston (Brooke) and Vince Vaughn (Gary) called The Break Up illustrated just that. I always come back to this movie because it accurately examines a complicated relationship unraveling.
Check out the excerpt from the breakdown scene below to understand what I mean:
Brooke: I just don’t know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I’ve cooked, I’ve picked your shit up off the floor, I’ve laid your clothes out for you like you’re a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don’t feel like you appreciate any of it. I don’t feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.
Gary: Why didn’t you just say that to me?”
Brooke: I tried. I’ve tried.
Gary: Never like that, you might have said some things that meant to imply that, but I’m not a mind reader…
It’s clear to everyone that Brooke has earned the right to break up with him because it’s not the first time Gary has heard these complaints – he chose not to do anything about it by taking her for granted and assuming that as long as he didn’t address the issue, everything would be all right.
Now, I don’t want to keep bashing him (because, well, that might go on for days) but I do want to highlight the key aspect in this scene — the use of “I statements” as opposed to “you statements.” Instead of directly accusing him of not taking care of her needs, she simply points out through examples of how her needs aren’t being met. For example, she could’ve said, “I feel like I’m not being heard,” rather than “you never listen to me.” Or, “I don’t feel appreciated” instead of “you don’t know how to compromise.” This exemplifies the ways in which she’s fought to salvage her relationship but wasn’t even met halfway.
Each time I watch this movie, it feels like the first time because it’s appalling to me that a partner would only want to do things he/she wants to do and not compromise for their loved one. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship that’s 50-50, not 80-20. It makes you realize that the old adage proves to be true: when you take things for granted, the things you are granted get taken – We must be thankful and appreciate the things and people around us. And lets remember to water the grass on our side of the hill so that its always green on this side!
Words By: Ashley Kooblall
Image By: Pavla Kopecna
